Kerry House Humor - O

MORNING – INT. KERRY bedroom 10/09/04. SEN. JOHN F KERRY (JFK) is in a semi-prom position on the chase lounge. He is wearing underwear with large letters across the frontal genital area spelling BUSH w/a large X through the letters. His wife, TERESA HEINZ KERRY is standing in front of a full mirror. She is wearing a shorty-pajama top with bloomer panties. Her panties have large letters across the frontal genital area spelling BUSH w/a large X through the letters.

JFK
What are you looking at Jackie?

Teresa
I wish that you would not call me that.

JFK
Ok, what are you looking at my precious?

Teresa
I’m feeling old, John, I think I need to see a doctor.

JFK
Sure, sure, I’ll call little John and get the name of
a good OGBYN.

Teresa
You mean OBGYN?

JFK
Yes, that’s what I said, OGBYN.

Teresa
John, you clearly said, OGBYN.

JFK
I might have misspoken about what I
said but I know that everyone knows
what I meant to say. So if I say OGBYN
or OBGYN it all means that same thing.

Teresa
Flip flopper

JFK
Jackie, let’s change the topic. I am hungry.

Teresa
How about a nice bowl of fruit loopholes. There are only a few left and you could get rid of them right now before
you are elected.

JFK
What are you talking about?

Teresa
Loopholes. You talk about them all of
the time and how you are going to get rid of them.

JFK
Never mind. Did you talk to George today?

Teresa
Yes.

JFK
And?

Teresa
And what, John?

JFK
Are the rising oil prices secure through November?
Will his hedge fund people keep the pressure
on? I can’t afford to have cheap gas for people.
You know that Jackie.

Teresa
Look, bush-face, if you call me Jackie again
I am going to call George Soros again, and withdraw
every million I have invested in the oil hedge fund.

JFK
I love it when you are sassy. It makes me get warmth in
my blood. Now what about the foreign currency funds? Are you and George keeping an eye on that? It won’t take much to completely crash the US economy, and our investments in foreign currencies will be worth fortunes. More than the Kennedy’s. Finally!

Teresa
You just keep that long-faced head of yours focused
on getting us into 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. My son
is destined to be the President and I need you to keep the way paved for him.

JFK
I thought that you wanted it for us, for me?

Teresa
Let’s be clear. Your Democrat liberal politics
make me sick. Your liberal friends are all freaks.
your “war hero” status has been completely debunked.
On your own you don’t have anything and you have not
accomplished anything.

JFK (interrupting)
Not fair, Jackie!

Teresa
…….. DON’T interrupt me! You have one last
chance to be of any value to me. If you fail on
November 2nd, you have no value to me, or to
George or to anyone. You might as well assassinate
yourself, so you can make your final dream for glory come true.

JFK
Shut up Jackie, you are dangerously close to
taking a ride with Ted to the Chappaquiddick.

Teresa runs toward JFK, leaps and lunges at him, landing squarely on his upper thighs. She is pounding him like a piece of meat being tenderized.

Teresa
Where is that little shrapnel?

JFK
Stop, you are hurting the rice kernel on my leg.
Ok, ok, I promise I will win.

Stopping her attack

Teresa
How can you be sure? How can you guarantee
me that all of the time and money I have invested
in you so that I can secure my son’s Presidency has
not been in vain.

JFK
Easy, easy Jackie. We will do it the old fashioned
Kennedy, Clinton machine way – CHEAT!

The End

written and created by:Susan Kay Moses
a.k.a. Grandma Moses